God Protects babies and fools.

First, before I get side track and forget, let me thank those for the compaliments on my new page look.  I guess everyone can guess what my favorite color is.  Purple is the color of royalty and my birthstone.  I just think it's pretty, sometimes soft, sometimes bold something like me.   I have no confidence these days.  My ego needs stroking, thanks for stroking.  That's why my grand kids are the best.  They tell me I'm the best and one even said I rock.  Love those guys, but I do need a rest.  I'll write them a letter, it helps them read.  My oldest one is learning script.

I went to bed at 6:30 pm last night, not to sleep but to layed down.  I went to sleep about 8:30 pm, didn't sleep through but I think I rested well.  I got out the bed at 6:30 am, so that's 12 hours in bed.  Still tired though.  Eyes are heavy but I don't thing I have much of a head ache. It should be a good day, my mate usually stays in on Sundays. I have 4 Netflix movies we haven't seen.  They sent me an extra one, I guess it's a bonus for a loyal customer.  Been one for 4 years.  I remember when I worked downtown Brooklyn these guys use to give out these flyer's for videos in the  mail.  I thought that was crazy, wait to get movies in the mail.  I love it. I just hope it's enough chill in the air so I can work on my afghan, I'm only putting just one and a half spool of yarn on and then bordering it with a row of black.  Can anyone guess the colors of it?

I'm happy that there are people reading this. Like I said my ego needs stroking.  I've been told repeatedly that some of you admire me for putting my story out there like that.  If I wrote a novel it would be the same thing, only, maybe I might get Oprahs' attention and get paid.  But I guess I don't need no money, I'll just spend it on a house, car, helping my family and having a big family reunion for a week of an all expense paid vacation.  I would love for us all to get together and build close tight relationships. I write a newsletter trying to keep us all in the loop of each others lives, but it's not the a same as giving a hug to each other and sharing a good conversation.  My family is so scattered, some on the west coast, and east coast, we have family in Alaska and New Zealand.  We have family in the south too. In fact we have a first cousin of our grandmothers who will be 100 this year.  It would be wonderful if we could all get to our family hometown in Charleston, South Carolina to celebrate her birthday with her. Dreams, despite my health and the life I lived I still dream. I guess that's because I always see the glass half full.  Maybe that's why I run out of shit.

I spent my whole life dreaming about the kind of life I wanted instead of making it. Yesterday I spoke to someone who told me about someone who works at home.  He has an office in his house and he goes in it at 8- 9 in the morning works with the door close, comes out has a lunch break and goes back until 4-5 o'clock.  That's discipline! That's what I planned on doing with my writing.  Work like it's a job.  But, I don't have a schedule.

Back when I moved into my mothers house after she died.  I made a little office out of my grandmothers' room in the attic.  I would come home from work, change clothes and go in the attic and write. Mr. 23 years would come home, buy food and cook dinner. While cooking he would be in the basement smoking his crack, me in the attic smoking refeer and writing.  The kids were out running the streets. I should of been spending more time with them.  But I believed, I was writing our future. We were the poster family for dysfunctional. I didn't have a clue how quickly they were growing and how time was passing us by.  I knew there were no do overs.  I fucked up trying to make my dream come true instead of helping them prepare for their dreams. I use to work on that novel all night. 

When I emerged from the attic I developed a friendship with my mans' cousins' friend.  We became close and bonded because we were both in our early 30's and orphans with 3 children with 3 daddies. While our men were out smoking crack we started hanging out in bars drinking and sniffing coke. I had a MVP, brand new from the money my mother left for us.  I was drinking and driving, I was so high sometimes I didn't know how I got home.  In the mornings I would look at the car to make sure it was there and there weren't any dents in it.  They say God watches over babies and fools.  I was a fool, I thank God I never killed anyone. The car would be parked in the middle of the street or blocking my neighbor driveway but it was always there.

I always thought I was a good driver. When I lived upstate.  With my sister-in-law sister we use to hang out with a friend that use to let us drive their car.  This one time we drove up to Albany to a party and coming back on the highway I was driving, drunk.  Tminute.  I was going 80mph, I did the turn on two wheels, on a cliff and our fool asses were laughing. I didn't have a license and the cops stopped us shortly after, back then our pictures weren't on the licence so I used my girlfriends.  My son was born on her birthday so that was no problem and I guessed the correct year.  If it was today I would of been locked up, I'm sure the cop smelled the liquor and refeer in the car. He just told us to be careful and let us go. No speeding ticket either. Funny today with the meds I'm taking I'm scared to drive and I'm not impaired like I was back in the day go figure.

I finished that novel, but never edited, and when I sold the house I put all my writing in storage and lost it all.
 Just this past summer my girlfriend sent me a copy and I plan to open it up and see if I can edit and make it marketable.  But first I want to finish the one I've been working on.  I think it's good and some of my friends and co-workers who have read the first draft encouraged me, they say it's good and they are impressed.  Maybe I'll put it on a blog, now that I'm getting the hang of this.  Then leave the last four or five chapters off so you would have to buy it to find out how it ends.

This is another good thing about this blog it's getting me writing again.  Yesterday I started writing words to put together in a poem. I'll share if something materialize.