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Embrace Today By: K. Wilhelmina Floria

Tears of happiness shall fall,
listen close for your destination call.

A river of tranquility flows through life.

Ride out the eye of the storm, pass the strife.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

I Hate My life

Yesterday wasn't a bad day. I finished my hospital blanket last night.  My mate spent the day with me watching movies.  We had pizza for dinner one slice, I can eat 2 but there were 6 of us.  I ate a piece of cake and went to bed about 8:30pm I couldn't watch TV, my mate wanted peace and quiet. So I read my Nook until I could close my eyes, but as usual I turn of the nook and I'm fully away again.  I didn't look at the clock because I didn't want to know what time it was.  I tossed and turned.  I woke up all night but didn't have to get up to go to the bathroom until something to 4am, at 5am my mate woke up turned the light on and that was that for sleeping. She got out the bed at 8am and fluffed her pillows.  She's so heavy handed that when she puts them back on the bed, by my head, she slams them.  When she gets on the bed she plops down hard.  We sleep on a Temper Pedic, we're not suppose to feel when each other moves. But I'm the selfish one who needs the TV on to go to sleep. I wasn't sleeping but I had my eyes close, my body was sleeping. It was 8 am I could of stayed in the bed, my body wanted to but my mind told me to get up. The reason was my cousin opened her FB account just so I could take copies of her pictures and I didn't want to hold her up. I juiced some cantaloupe, and fixed my medication for the week. Now I'm writing this blog.

I'm feeling down today, I don't want to be bothered with reality.  I want to curl up and hide from the world. I hate my life. I hope I can get some sleeping pills from the doctor Friday. I so need sleep. I hope I get the bill for my medical record so I can pick them up.  I hope I get that holiday check which will go to FB, paying for medical records and co-payment for doctors.  I got to say some more prays today.  I'm whining and I hate to be like this.

On top of all the mental shit going on, my shoulder is hurting, making typing painful.  On top of my fat, my hands, knees and feet are swollen.  I've been having these pains in my chest all day long yesterday.  It hurts when I breathe and I think I should put on my oxygen but I don't want to use it.  I think I'll take a shower, eat some Kashi Go Lean cereal then get back in bed. When I feel better and in a better mood I'll be back.

Everyone be well.


  1. Dear WF, don't hate your life, just try to make it better for you. Not everyone else just you.

    I know what you mean when you say you need the TV on to sleep, I do too but my mate likes the dark and quiet. If fact, your life almost mirrors mine. LOL.

    Again, I know what you are going through. Lupus has to be one of the most discouraging diseases. No cure, pain all the time, wanting to sleep you life away. I work nights so oit now a little better for me. I can have the TV on. However, I do have to walk the dogs and some days I can bearly walk me. I have had open heart surgery and a heart attach and am suppose to exercise for heart health but how can you exercise when you can't move. My mate doesn't seem to get this, she does try, tho. She doesn't want me to die and leave her. And truthfully, I don't want to.

    Please just look for the good things and be happy in the fact that your writings are reaching so many people and helping them know they are not alone.

  2. Oh Honey, dont hate your life, just know there are people out there that know what you are going through and are encouraging you on with their thought... I would give you what little strenght I have if I could, hang in there...


Embrace today.