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My family

Embrace Today By: K. Wilhelmina Floria

Tears of happiness shall fall,
listen close for your destination call.

A river of tranquility flows through life.

Ride out the eye of the storm, pass the strife.

Monday, September 20, 2010

The moldmoblie, lupus and COPD

I just wish I can have a real good night sleep. I had crazy dreams last night, then I remembered I ate some almonds before I went to sleep.  I feel okay, no headache, the weather is comfortable. It's early of course. 6:40 am been out of bed for about an hour. I'm tired but I don't want to lay in bed tossing and turning.

I want some kind of normal life again.  I haven't been out the house in about a week and a half except to go to the bottom of the steps to get the bills, I mean mail. My highlight is checking my email, FB, this blog and my online support group  to see if any one left me a note or comment.  I'm not going to have an I'm so lonely day.  My baby daughter called me and I spoke with my grandson who cheered me up.  My daughter told me someday she's going to be the one to take care of me.  Sweet thought, I hope I live long enough for her too. My sons' phone is off because he can't have it in rehab and they are monitoring his money.  I can't help him with that bill anymore. My oldest daughter she told me Friday her phone isn't working so I haven't spoken to her.  I'll write my grand babies a letter.  I owe my oldest grandson $20, that I haven't spent.  The last day I left there I didn't have any money in my pocket so I borrowed from him. He gave it to me without any hesitation. I guess he knows as long as I owe him he won't be broke.

My mate has a friends whose birthday was back in August and she was going to take her out to eat.  It was postpone several times.  We were suppose to go last Friday but if I don't get dress early, I don't feel like putting on, outside clothes late. So we're suppose to go today.  My mate wants to go to this restaurant out by Five Towns, it's across from the shopping center, by the bay.  It's off the dock, boats can pull up and dock to come in and eat.  Nice place, food is good but menu ain't that great for me.  Well that's where she wants to go. It's in the 70s' on the bay it will probably be in the 60s'.  I don't think it's going to be comfortable but I'll keep my mouth shut because I don't want to get cussed out.  There are nice restaurants all over Queens that I've gone to, but she only goes to the ones she knows and ones other people tell her about.  I don't know shit remember. Anyways that's the plan for today.

I was thinking about when my breathing started to become an issue.  Back in 2007 my mate brought a 1991 Honda Accord from the same friend I was just speaking about.  The car needed some repairs which we didn't get done until after I had my hysterectomy in the summer of 2007.  So I think we didn't get the car on the road until around November or so in 2007.  The car was flooded and was full of mold.  I tried cleaning it out and I covered the mold smell with air fresheners.  I was just  happy to be driving again I didn't care. The cars' transmission was shot, I couldn't go over 35mph, the speedometer was broken. So how did I know when I went over 35mph? The car turned off.  The drivers side window didn't open. I didn't care I was driving.  My breathing was getting difficult, so I kept trying to stop smoking. I would wear the patch and take it off when I wanted a cigarette which was usually when I went to the bar and started drinking and sniffing. Finally I stopped for a few months, besides for the last year I was down to about a half a pack a day. Good considering I've smoked for 40 years and in some of those years I smoked, sometime two packs a day. I've quit when I was pregnant and different times over the years.  Whenever I stopped, my breathing always got better.  My breathing wasn't getting better this time, in my opinion it was getting worst.  Since I wasn't feeling better the fool, me, decided to give into temptation and started smoking again.  I figured I had COPD or lung cancer or both.  I knew something was wrong and I didn't want to know and I just wanted to live my life and enjoy what I had left.

That summer, I spent a lot of time out in the sun.  When I was at work I would take smoke breaks where the sun would beat down strong.  I don't know why I stopped using the sunscreen that year.  I guess since I didn't have lupus as I thought I was too pass the age of being diagnosed with lupus. I figured the sun wouldn't hurt me.  I mean for years I've suspected I had lupus and the doctors kept telling me no.  In fact the last doctor I saw before I got sick told me my triglycerides were high but didn't check further nor did he suggest that I do.  I didn't have any insurance then so there wasn't anything I could do.  I couldn't afford doctor bills. I didn't think it was serious, I probably needed to take vitamins so I started taking multi-vitamins and B12.

Then I got this rash on my shoulders and ears.  We took the grand kids to the Aquarium, we spent the day in the sun, again no sunscreen.  I was tired, totally drained for my grandsons' birthday.  I pushed myself.  I went home and the next day went to work.  I was having a hard time going up and down the steps, to the point that I was literally gasping for breath.  I decide I would go to the ER that day after work. I figured I had a virus or something and I would get some antibodies.

I drove the mold mobile to the Queens Hospital Center, and found parking right on the corner, that was luck or God watching over a fool again.  I was praying I wouldn't have to walk too far. I went in and told them I couldn't breath, they checked my oxygen level and I was hypoxia, my oxygen level was 75, they put me on oxygen right away and admitted me. They suspected but didn't confirmed anything.  They questioned me about my environment, my eating habits, family history.  I was in the hospital for a week and when I went for my follow up appointment lupus and emphysema was confirmed.So began my new life as chronically ill person.

1 comment:

  1. Don’t Let Your Past Rob You

    Philippians 3:13–14
    13Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, 14I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

    Are you living a life of regrets thinking, “If only…”? “If only I had that college education… If only I had married the right girl… If only I had taken up the other job… If only I had not made that stupid mistake…”

    Is your past robbing you of the joy of today? Then forget your past!

    You might say, “But Pastor Prince, you do not know what I have done in the past!”

    Consider Paul. If the devil had anything to bring against Paul, it would be reminders of how he had persecuted the early church and caused the deaths of many, including Stephen, the first Christian martyr.

    Paul had done horrendous things that were hard for him to forget. But he had such a revelation of God’s awesome forgiveness that he could say, “forgetting those things which are behind… I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus”.

    Beloved, God has forgiven you of all your sins. He has completely forgiven you and declared, “Your sins and lawless deeds, I will remember no more.” (Hebrews 10:17)

    Like Paul, you can forget your past, the wrongs you have done and the hurts you have caused others or been through yourself. God can take the tears of yesterday and transform them into the miracles of tomorrow. He can restore to you in all abundance what you have lost. He can cause all things, even the painful events of your past, to work together for your good. (Romans 8:28)

    God’s Word says, “The glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard.” (Isaiah 58:8) His glory will cover your past. Wherever you go, His glory covers your past. It is no longer the same past that you know of because His glory has descended on it. Your past is past. It has been wiped out. It is gone! So don’t let your past rob you of today’s joy any longer!


Embrace today.