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Embrace Today By: K. Wilhelmina Floria

Tears of happiness shall fall,
listen close for your destination call.

A river of tranquility flows through life.

Ride out the eye of the storm, pass the strife.

Friday, October 1, 2010

No more whinning, no more crying, the next round is mine.

I knew this was going to happen. It's 1:30am and I am wide awake even though I took 1mg of Lorazapam. Going to the doctors always does this to me, especially when I'm seeing a new doctor.  He's a cardiologist, he's going to take one look at my fat ass and think I have no will power. He will be right. I went out today, guess where, to Walgreen's and got a big bag of Kit Kat's, peanut butter cups, snickers, spice drops, my favorite Hersey white chocolate melt away bliss and a bag of chips.  What the Fuck?! It's the steroids, it's the loneliness, it's not smoking and needing something to do. The list can go on. But the bottom line is I need to develop will power.  I need to buy fruit, not really a fruit eater, but I can do frozen grapes, blueberries, pineapples and I do like pears. I planed to get cottage cheese and eat that with the fruit.  I tried carrots and celery once. Path mark even sells them ready to eat.  But I don't have that many teeth left and it's too much work chewing.

I don't have anything else but the sweets, I don't go anywhere, my phone doesn't ring. No sex. Hell the highlight of  my week was watching Greys' Anatomy.

I told myself today that I wasn't going to cry no more.  I was going to get over the bullshit and start living.  After all this blog is Me Verse Lupus, thus far I would say lupus is wining.  But I'm heading into the ninth round with renewed strengthen and coming out of my corner with hay makers, I'm going to kick some lupus ass.  I'm going to work on my novel and write a poem.  I've been scribbling, I'm going to scribble a finished product.  It's a new day and I'm going to find the me, Lupus kidnapped and hid in plain sight. The crying and pitty party aint getting me no where.

First I'm going to go back to bed and lay down.  I need to get up and take care of my face.  Lupus means wolf, because of the malar rash some people get around their nose and cheeks. For me it's the hair that grows on my face from the steroids.  I like to Nair it away before I see doctors.  I may be 2 tons of fun, but at least I'm groomed.

Until later, smile.

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Embrace today.