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My family

Embrace Today By: K. Wilhelmina Floria

Tears of happiness shall fall,
listen close for your destination call.

A river of tranquility flows through life.

Ride out the eye of the storm, pass the strife.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

So is the life of Lupus

Yesterday was yesterday.  I got up early and was out the house at 6 am I went to the clinic to get my meds.  It's a game I play with myself.  The earlier I get there the earlier I get out.  I want to be one of the first 4 people so I can be one of the first.  You see it doesn't matter what time you get there it's two hour minimal wait.  So if I get there by 6 am I'll be out by 9:30.  If I get there by 9 when they open I may not get out there until 11 am and my day is gone.  I don't mind sitting there, it's air condition, and it's quiet.  I read or listen to my ipod.

Yesterday, there was this man who arrived around 6:30 he had a specimen he wanted to drop off.  Remember the movie 'Car Wash"  The nervous man who had a urine specimen, that's what he was like.  He stopped every aide, nurse and patient to ask where to drop off his specimen.  Someone told him the area doesn't open until 8 am but that didn't stop him stopping people and waving his and asking them where to put, get this "his sperm" specimen which he proudly told everyone he had. See what I'm saying entertainment.

I got my pharmacy number at 8:30 and went over to medical records to request my records to have available when I start seeing new doctors with my health insurance starting in October. I don't want any problems or delay in getting my meds. I got back to the pharmacy just in time for my first number to be called and was out by 9:30  I took a cab to the check cashing place, I got the money order for the new insurance, then walked over to Walgreen and got my vitamins, they had a 2 for 1 sale.  I'll have calcium for almost 2 years.  I live only 4 blocks away.  I put everything in my backpack and considered walking home.  But thought it would be too much.  I took the bus.  It wasn't crowed but the handicap seats were taken, 3 by the elderly and two by this young girl on her cell. I was too fat for the seat that was left. I got off in 3 stops so I stood.  I walked the block home and once I got in the gate I sat on the steps for about ten minutes.  I couldn't move.  I think it's the 300 pounds more then the lupus making me tired.

Once I got inside, I went straight downstairs to change my clothes and put my stuff away.  I was drained,  I spent the rest of the day in front of the TV.  I wanted to work on the family newsletter.  Even wanted to peek at my novel and see if I could get into that. But I was tired.  I was in bed by 8pm and I guess I was sleep before 8:30, I've been up since 3 am it's 4:30 am, now.  I'm tired but that busy mind of mine is at it again.

It's Thursday and time for me to go take care of the grand kids again.  School started yesterday so I'm sure they'll have lots to talk about.  I hope my daughter has plans for them for after school  and this is my last week with them.  I love my babies and I love seeing them but I want my time back. It's like as soon as I get comfortable it's time to pack for an over night trip.  It's a chore to get my things together, take apart my
c-pap machine before I leave and when I come home.  Her kitchen is tiny, her bathroom is tiny and her couch is uncomfortable. she offered me her bed but she smokes and the smell is strong in there.  My c-pap machine smells like smoke once I get home as it is.

I am so anxious about getting new doctors. I feel like it's hope for something different, maybe a change in medication that may be more effective. Maybe some treatment I couldn't get before. Anxious to meet the doctors and hopefully find ones as nice as the ones I've been dealing with.  Hope that they have some miracle cure for my obesity.  That they schedule me to have the heart catherazition quickly and find out if I have Pulmonary Hypertension, especially since they say once treated I my breathing will get better.  Then maybe I can do more and not feel like a lazy bum.

I'm tired, I'm out of Benydryl, don't think I'm going to get anymore they weren't working anymore.  I have some Lorzapam, not suppose to take it because of my lungs, but it works.  I'm tired but know when I lay down sleep isn't going to come.  I wish I can sleep for 8 uninterrupted hours. Not even to get up and go to the bathroom which is getting scary since I feel dizzy when I wake up and walk. Well what can I do so is the life of Lupus

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Embrace today.