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My family

Embrace Today By: K. Wilhelmina Floria

Tears of happiness shall fall,
listen close for your destination call.

A river of tranquility flows through life.

Ride out the eye of the storm, pass the strife.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Lupus is invading my body today.

My son came but his escort didn't come with him.  My son said the guy probably would feel uncomfortable so he went his own way. My son had a bowl of cereal and for lunch he had the Cornish hen with stuffing. And guess what there's still another half of hen left.  I posted a vent the morning my son came and thus deleted it. Those who caught the vent know what I'm talking about.  My son checked his benefit card and found that he had a couple of hundred dollars in food stamps on his card.  So he took my mate to the grocery store and spent a lot of money I don't how much but my mate gave him $50 in cash.  I think she got about $150 worth of food. I haven' heard from my son since, but I'm sure he's okay.  The essay I wrote on my other blog My 2Cents not worth a penny, 'A Lesson to Learned' was written for my son. I really hope he hears it.

I ate some Jamaican food on Wednesday night, rice and peas and oxtail. It was so good.  Yesterday I had cereal for breakfast and for dinner I had fried liver with onions, mash potatoes and peas.  Yum.  I ate a cup of butter pecan ice cream.  And don't forget my potato chips.  I eat the lightly salted chips, but still I need to leave them alone.  I eat the frozen grapes but it's too cold now and that's the only way I like them. I need something non-fattening that I can eat to fill the void of not smoking.  I don't want a cigarette but I still feel the void of not doing something with my hands, that's where the chips come in.  Any suggestions? Please leave a comment and give me some ideas.

I'm tired, I've been tired for several days now.  My mate she thinks I'm lazy.  I tell her I'm tired she thinks once I sleep I shouldn't be tired any more.  Yesterday we were sitting at the kitchen table and my cell phone was in the living room, about 15 feet away. I said damn I need my cell phone, I wasn't saying it to her, more  like fussing to myself out loud.  She says it's right there go get it.  I just looked at her.  She went and got it for me.  I wanted to come downstairs and get undressed, check emails and such then go lay down.  But I sat at the kitchen table for about an hour longer because I didn't want to move.  I finally came downstairs and got on the computer and again I didn't want to move.  I finally went to bed and waited up for my mates' friend. It was after 11 pm when my mate called and told me, her friend would be in after 12 am and she would be home to wait for her. 

I slept all night, got up once to go to the bathroom.  I was cold and got back in bed, put the covers over my head and I went back to sleep.  I went into a deep sleep, when I woke up I didn't want to open my eyes, I didn't want to yawn, because that would be too exhausting.  I peeked at the clock and it was 8am, the time I take my cellcept, I take it then so I can eat by 10am.  I wanted to get up and take my meds but I couldn't make my body listen.  I think I dozed off again because the next thing I knew it was after 9 am.  I pushed myself out of bed.  I have birthday cards to make, my newsletter to finish.  I had to get up.  I felt guilty laying in the bed. 

I get up and my mate asks me how I feel.  I usually tell her I'm okay, this morning I say not good and I explain that I'm tired and she asks what the doctors say. Nothing.  Can I take the B12, yes but they don't do anything. When I got the B12 shots the first one made me feel more energized, but the 5 proceeding shots did nothing for my energy level.  On Daily Strengthen they were talking about a drug 'Provigil' I go to the doctor Monday, I'm going to ask about it. 

In addition to being tired I've been cold.  But that's no problem because I like to be cold.  It's just weird because I'm never cold. My temperature is at it's usual 96.7 or 97.3 never 98.6 which it's suppose to be.  When I was taking the cytoxin I was told my temperature would be lower then normal, I haven't had cytoxin in over a year.  Is this a flare or just a lupus norm.  I mean I've been tired, but once I get out of bed the energy charges up.  I feel like I ran out of gas like an old car. You can turn my key and I'll cough and spit but I'm not reeving up at all.

Today the ocean has no fish, the sky no birds, and the earth is without foot prints.  The sun won't shine and the moon vanished in an abyss of darkness and me in a vacum sucked in a hollow world where energy is dead. Oh it's just a lupus day.

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Embrace today.