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My family

Embrace Today By: K. Wilhelmina Floria

Tears of happiness shall fall,
listen close for your destination call.

A river of tranquility flows through life.

Ride out the eye of the storm, pass the strife.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

I'm a misfit today

I think I have recovered from my thanksgiving.  I've been feeling off I guess it's due to the new medication.  My stomach gets upset in the morning and of course I wake up with the headaches.  I've been cold most of the time, I thought I was getting a cold but I don't know.  I'm not sneezing or coughing more then usual.

I took the medicare stuff over to my daughters and she does understand it and it's still mind boggling to me, so she told me to gather all the info I can and give her permission to speak on my behalf and she'll pick out the best program for me.  Right now the monthly cost of my medication is over $3000 dollars.  There is no way in hell I can afford that.

My grand kids are really growing up.  I enjoyed seeing them and being with my children. I don't want to express what I really feel being with them over the holiday. Only that they put the funk in dysfunctional. I'm just going to say I'm thankful for them. And be happy.

My middle grandchild was going to his fathers' for the rest of the weekend.  He came back to Queens with me on Access-A-Ride.  His father was suppose to pick him up by 8:30 pm it was after 10 when he says he didn't have carfare or a ride. So my grandson spent the night it was okay.

My mate can be really thoughtful at times.  She unpacked and set up my c-pap machine and when she found out my grandson was spending the night she made his bed.  I got up that morning and fixed him grits, eggs and bacon that he requested and he enjoyed it.  He had some ice cream and then we went out in the yard where he ran around and had some fun.  When he came back in he played on the computer.  There was no crying or temper tantrums at all.  My mate took him to his father.

I wasn't feeling too well all day yesterday and still feel a bit under the weather today. I can't really explain what I feel like. I know I'm falling into a depression.  I don't know if it's the holiday coming up and I don't have money to spoil my grandchildren with.  The experience I had at my daughters or the uncertainly of who I will wake up with in the morning.  My mate is so moody, some days she's a sweet at my daughter sweet potato pie was and some days she's as nasty as the vomit from a drunk.

Any way I feel like a misfit from the land of misfit toys.  They were really depressed people in a mental institution you know.  I feel like I don't belong anywhere.  I don't have my own space, my nerves are on edge all the time.  But I'm not going to allow myself to fall into this.  I said several weeks  ago I'm going to happy for what I have.  I have a place to sleep and  food to eat.  I have twitter, FB and my great support team on Daily Strength.  I have my family that are polite to me and talk to me when I call.  So all this sad feeling is all in my head.

I don't have to go out this week so I can work on the December birthday cards, my sister, two of my children and a great niece have birthdays.  My 99 year old cousin will be 100 on the 22nd of this month and my brother will be celebrating his 38 year wedding anniversary.  I also need to get the family newsletter done.  I had it started, but the virus wiped everything out so I needed to start from scratch.  I like doing it all of this but I get distracted.  I feel fatigue but once I start I get on a roll, it's the same with my writing.  It's all about getting focused.

 I looked at my novel last week and I edited two pages.  I don't have much more to write to finish it. I just need to finish it. 

On Daily strength they were talking about this drug that gives energy.  I'm going to ask my doctors for a prescription.  I would love to have more energy. Maybe then I can get out this funk.  I'll write more when I start to feel better.

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Embrace today.