Working will power.

It's been 4 days since I last posted.  What happen? I feel like Rip Van Winkle.  I'm exhausted right now  but I had to get my write on!  Lets see what have I been doing, uh, nothing that spectacular, what a surprise.  Friday I was just lazing around.  Saturday same thing only I wrote 2 pages of a short story, now I really enjoyed doing that.  I figured if I can't live a real life of my own, I may as well live vicariously though my imagination. If my writing pans out, I'll start another blog of short stories.  Anybody who is reading this one, will you be interested? Please let me know. I like seeing comments but more so, I want to know so I don't wast my time.

Sunday I cooked, I made a meatloaf just like my grandmother use to make with hard boiled eggs in the middle.  I skinned, boiled, seasoned, mashed then whipped potatoes with eggs, milk and butter. Then topped it with cheddar cheese and baked it.  Good, but another pound of fat on the mid section.  My grandmother use to make potatoes like that for Thanksgiving only she made it with sugar, cinnamon, nutmeg and vanilla, delicious.  My mate doesn't care for sweets and since the meatloaf had  brown sugar mixed in my glaze I opted to use garlic and salt instead.  We had string beans to go with the dinner.

I feel okay. Tire like I said. Still having my headaches in the morning, been achy, the hands of course, I really don't notice when they are swollen anymore.  Feet hurt and my back has been hurting too. Aches and pains are normal in my world.

I went to have my MRI and MRA of my brain today.  Access-A_Ride had been a good to me lately, since that day they left me waiting in the rain for an hour and half. They were suppose to pick me up at 7 am. They were out there at 6:30 am.  The place wasn't open when I got there so the driver dropped me off at Starbucks'.  I had a asagio cheese bagel and a blueberry muffin and a caramel latte. I sat with my nook for 45 minutes and then walked to the imaging place.  My appointment was at 9 am and they wanted me there 15 minutes earlier. When I arrived the place was packed.  I should of just waited instead of gorging on that yummy food. They didn't call me until exactly 9 am.  They had me in that machine by 9:30am.   That machine is different then the one at the city hospital.  I now know where Stephen Kings gets his inspiration. I didn't like that test.  I hope they don't find anything wrong, but figure out why I get dizzy, numb in the mouth and have these annoying headaches. I don't want to do that test again.  They finished with me at 10:45am.  I went outside, access-a-ride was due at 10:48am and they were on time. Man was that cutting it close.  Hope they are on time like that tomorrow night when I need to get home from Dekalb Ave. in Brooklyn, another SLE Lupus Foundation Hospital Tour.

One thing about being in that machine is that I want to get rid of this other person attached to me.  I was squeeze so tight in that machine I thought I was going to get stuck.  While thinking about that, my mind wondered to when I fell down the steps 2 years ago and broke my fiba bone.  The EMS workers couldn't get me off the steps, they had to call a second ambulance to help them lift me.  I wasn't 300 pounds yet.  What if something happens and I need EMS to get me out now?

 I walked down the block from Starbucks, and last week I walked 8 meters.  I decided I will get up in the morning, do some stretches, strap on my oxygen and take a walk around the block and as I get stronger I'll do more. I lost a lot of weight when I worked in Manhattan and use to walk from 31st Street to 59th Street. I'll eat cereal, drink my cantaloupe juice, and eat lots of fruits. I can do this. Right? I mean really, I stopped smoking after 40 years, I don't give into my urge for a some cocaine and I very rarely drink.  So food, I can give up the good shit I love to eat and start concentrating on eating healthy. I won't be tempted by my mate when she cooks bacon, sausage, home fries, eggs or lamb chops in the morning.  I'll have my cereal.  When she comes in from the bar, I'll refrain from eating a second dinner, which is usually a Whopper, Big Mac, pizza or a Popeye chicken and rice wrap.  It just takes will power.  I hate the way I look in the mirror so I don't look. However I had to look last night,  when I Naired the hair off my face so I wouldn't look like a pale ape.  I hate to hold my clothes up, because I fit them.  Most of all I hate the way people look at me. I mean they smile, no one has said anything nasty to me, but I see the disgust in their faces.

Funny I started this blog to journey my weight loss, but decide  to just write and not worry about my weight. I'm going to work on it, really. When I lose this other person who attached themselves to me, watch out all you divas out there.

More to come after I rest.