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Embrace Today By: K. Wilhelmina Floria

Tears of happiness shall fall,
listen close for your destination call.

A river of tranquility flows through life.

Ride out the eye of the storm, pass the strife.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

There's always someone worse.

Got home about 10 pm on Tuesday night after the seminar.  It was good, and I didn't want to attend that one, because it was about lupus and dental.  I figured since I only have 11 of my own teeth and a bridge in my mouth it didn't make sense to learn about the dental portion.  One of the women who attends regularly asked me to come, so I went .  Well I tell you it help me understand my illness more and to recognize signs of oral problems.  If I'm ever able to get dentures, (hum, good thing to get with tax return in 2011), anyway they explained that my gums could drop and the dentures won't fit right. Or they won't stay in place as you eat, making eating difficult.  That won't be a bad thing. Ha! 

They talked about another autoimmune disease Sjorgen which affects the mouth and eyes.  I tell you this Lupus is no damn joke.  I'm really sick you know.  I tell how I'm achy, my hands and legs swell and I'm always tired, and the headaches. And my chief complaint is my over weight body.  But I've been dealing with these things my whole life, they were a who I am and just a fact of my life.  I know if I do certain things I will be tired, I know there are things I can't do.  This makes me depressed.  When I have things to do I have to prepare in advance. Like going to the seminar tonight, it's 9:30 am and they are picking me up at 3:30 pm, I get anxious about being ready on time.  But I never think of my self being really sick, does make sense.  You know they say you don't look sick.  I keep saying if I lose the weight I'll feel better I believe this.  Yea I know I use oxygen and have a hard time breathing but I don't think of my self as being really sick.  I mean I can still think and do for myself, even when I'm too tired. But the truth of the matter is I'm sick and my life is different.

On Tuesday I meet a young girl I think she was 24 she has had lupus for 11 years.  She started with 100mg of steroids because she had kidney involvement.  She was reduced on the steroids and it cause another problem. Several of the other women I meet have diabetes.  Lupus affects us all in different ways and we all feel different.  We all go to these seminars looking for answers, hoping for some miracle to make our lives normal and help us have a better quality of life.  What I learn is that no matter how bad I think my life is, there are others who are dealing with more difficult issues.

My mate may be cold sometimes, but she is supportive.  Frustration may cause her to call me lazy and get annoyed. But she supports me and is the first one to see that I'm in crisis when I get sick.  There are so many others who's mates, husband who walked away or don't give them any support and don't want to understand.

God is good to me. My mother was right God doesn't give you  any more then you can handle and God made me strong.  I pray for all those with chronic illness that they find peace.  I found peace, I only pray that I keep the peace in my heart and mind. Everyday is different, I ride an emotional roller coaster and some days I'm up and get butterflies in my belly, others I spiraling down and screaming in fear.  But one thing that is a given if the good Lord thinks it's time for me to leave this world, I will go with out fear.


  1. You are an inspiration to others with Lupus :) Keep hangin' in there. God knows what we need.

    Have you been tested for Sjogren's? Lupus and Sjogren's often go hand in hand.

  2. Thanks for the compliment Ellen. So far no sjogrens or raynards (sp?). But as you've read in this blog there are so many others suffering so much more then I am that I don't feel I should complain any more. But who knows what tomorrow brings. Blessings to you. Thanks for commenting too.


Embrace today.