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Embrace Today By: K. Wilhelmina Floria

Tears of happiness shall fall,
listen close for your destination call.

A river of tranquility flows through life.

Ride out the eye of the storm, pass the strife.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Wise Fools we are, Well I am

After that hails storm we had on Monday night, I'm sad to announce that my pet spider, Charles has left home.  I looked for him for two days and he's gone. 

Yesterday I felt like a real person for a change.  I woke up at 4 am and was out the house by 5 am.  I sat in the cold waiting for my connecting bus in Long Island for an hour.  I loved it, I very rarely get cold.  I had my echo, they didn't have the definity drug, so I may have to go back.  I see the cardio doctor next Tuesday.  It's getting closer to me having the heart cauterization. I stopped and got the odimoninter from the pulmonary doctors office.  The first night I slept with it, the machine didn't get a reading.  I slept with it last night, I woke up this morning and the red light wasn't on, so I don't know, I may have to do it again.

The seminar last night was the best of the SLE Lupus NYC Hospital Tours I've gone to.  No problem with location.  There was no excessive walking to the auditorium.  Socializing was nice, I sat with women who attend frequently, I guess you could call us Lupus groupies.  The auditorium was nice, it had a nice old fashion wooden stage, with a huge screen. The speakers stood at a podium, eye level to us on the floor. The tables had white table clothes on them.  The food was nicely spread.  The plates were round and black with a scalloped design, the forks were plastic that looked as if they were silver. Very nice, elegant. The meal was sandwiches, that were tasty, a toss salad, and potato salad.  That was delicious, I asked the personnel where they got it from and they said they made it in their hospital kitchen. I asked if they fed this to their patients and they said they did.  Let me tell you if they feed their patients like that, I'm sure they get well quickly with regrets. I wouldn't mind being there to be feed food that taste so good. They severed delicious bakery cookies.  There was a full house, it was almost standing room only.  I guess that's because it was in the city so bad, they had to name it twice, New York, New York. The hospital one of the top, Lenox Hill.

I told Kate Anastasia, the Director of Programs about the boo boo I made with FB and the ad for this blog and she said that I may be able to get financial help.  That would be great, believe me.  I feel that lost.  I got my SSD check yesterday and after paying my bills I barely have enough left for care fare back and forth to the doctors and the co-payments.  I have no cushion.

Dr. Nancy Beckerman was there again this week, she reviewed the survey she did last year.  The guest speaker Dr. Robin Dibner was inspiring, promoting hope and confidence.  The material was nothing new but presented in a fresh new way. Lupus attacks each of us differently and  in so many ways,  what Dr. Dibner did last night was make us feel less alone. Dr. Dibner is one of the top Rhuemotologist in NY and she  is the author of "Lupus Handbook for Women".  She is very impressive.

Last week one of the women that came had the same issues I had with Access-A-Ride, she was a complainer, and we were talking about her just before she came. (God forgive us and me for telling this story.) She showed up late, sat with us. By the time she got there the program was about to start, she had a Access-A-Ride pick up at 7:40pm the program was over at 8pm.  My pick up was at 8:01 pm.  Last week they ended early so I thought it would this week also.  I really wanted to stay but of course I couldn't miss my ride.  I left at 8:45 so I could stop in the bathroom, I got out side about 8 minutes to 8, there was a bus down the block.  I called AAR. and they told me my bus was out side. I walked down to it and was 5 minutes early like I'm suppose to be.  Don't you know this complaining woman was on the bus.  OMG! She had the audacity to chastised me, saying I'm suppose to be out there at 7:40pm.  The driver told her no I was on time.  All the way back to Queens she complained about her attendant, her legs, her cholesterol, her eyes. She said she was going to die young because her sister died young and because she has allergies to latex.  She wanted sympathy.  I complain in this blog, and if you don't want to hear it, as I tell my grankids when they are on the computer, X out. I try not to complain to people because I know they don't want to hear it and I know it's annoying.  Even when someone asks how are you? Do you want to hear, oh my head hurts, my hemorrhoids are swelling and I threw up all over the bathroom floor?  No. We just say I'm okay, or so so or give some evasive answer.  What does complaining to someone do? Make that person not want to be around you.  Hell as you all know I don't want to chase anyone away from me.  I'm starving for attention.

I mention this because no matter how gloom our lives my be, there is always someone who's life is worst.  There was a woman at the meeting who has Raynard's and she's missing a leg, and her fingers have been amputated at the tips.  She didn't complain, she smiled enjoyed her dinner and was pleasant. I'm thankful for the life I have, yes I wish things were different. That I was not sick, that I was financially secure, and my children were happy.  My life is what it is, I've had some good days, some bad ones and I know I will have more of both.  Sometimes, I wish I would just die, because of the self pity, depression and loneliness.  Then there are the days when I believe I will live well into my 80s' possibly 90s' and all is possible with my God.  I thank Him and try not to question him.  We can't change people, we can't make people see things the way we see them. I guess this is why we live in this world of different personalities and morals.  No one is perfect. We can try to achieve perfection, It is a wise person who learns from their mistakes. A fool who continues to makes the same mistakes over and over.  In reality we are all sometime wise when we see the mistake for what it is. And we are fools when we continue to make the same mistake over and over because we believe we can make it work for us eventually.  So I guess we are all "Wise Fools".

I meet my new Rhuematologist today, boy was this a busy week for me.  I pray he's just as nice as the last two doctors I met. Until tomorrow God Bless.

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