Telling more of my story

Today I'm not broken. Well at this moment I'm not, my moods are subject to change. One of the things I hate about this damn lupus is I don't know who I'll be from day to day.  I read somewhere that the steroids can make you phsycotic, maybe I'm becoming bipolar.  I'm not hearing voices but the mood swings are crazy, no pun indented.  I won't take any mood altering drugs though, unless they give me cocaine in a pill.  The last time I took Cymbalta I was happy, so happy I didn't know how to handle it, it felt uncomfortable because I really don't know what true happiness feels like.  But today I'm good.

The last thing I spoke about was the raid on the house.  My stepson got seven years.  His girlfriend got probation. He brought her a engagement ring, and he had $900 on a gold chain, the receipt was lost.  How fucked up is that, they could spend money on jewelry but not pay rent to me.  I tell you I won't help anyone any more, I was taken advantage of.

His girlfriend moved out. I still had a house full of people. My oldest daughter was working for me in my home care agency.  She had a live-in case and was home only on the weekends. She had a boyfriend that was a drug dealer, gang banger.  That thing about telling your children you disapprove of their relationships, could and will result in pushing them together. It's true.  Neither me or Mr. 23 years like this man.  He was grimy, he had no respect for anyone. I could say he was/ is a pshycopath. I was at work and something happen I don't know what, but the fool had a tech 9 I think, or some big ugly gun. Someone said something to him or disrespected my daughter and he came out and shot at a car.  My neighbor was a Port Authority cop.  He had his back and didn't say anything.  My daughter cleaned the fingerprints off the gun.  He had a bullet proof vest in the closet and the gun. Both illegal. They picked up the the shell castings, the police. They raided the house again. Everyone was let go, I didn't get locked up this time, but both my daughters, Mr. 23 and my daughters stinking man did.  I just knew he was going away for a long time. He was released on a technicality.

While her boyfriend was locked up my daughter beat up this girl because she was suppose to have slept with her man.  From what I understand three guys had to pull my daughter off the girl because she almost killed the girl.  My daughter ran away and hid.  When the police came to look for her, I told them where she was.  It was a fight, she could press charges just like the girl.  My daughter was so mad at me. She was locked up for three weeks and when she stood in front of the judge the first time, she was so disrespectfully and when she looked at me, man, if she could kill with eyes, I wouldn't be sitting here typing this now.  They kept adjourning her hearing. Finally Mr. 23 spoke to a lawyer in the court room who was getting his clients released.  He told Mr. 23 she'll be out in a couple of hours and he was true to his word. My daughter was never charged. But none the less she was acting real thug.

My daughter didn't understand that I was looking out for her interest. My step son was hiding from the police for 4 years and when they finally arrested him in the raid, the crime he was hiding from, they gave him hardly any time.  He screwed up his life for something that could of gone away easily.  I didn't want my daughter to do this. Today she has no record, almost has her BS and is working for the NYC Housing Authority.  She has two kids by the ass hole but today she knows he's an ass hole.

My youngest daughter had a boyfriend that use to come and sit in the house just to watch her. My daughter wasn't interested in him, but he finally wore her down.  He was possessive and use to beat her.  One of the guys that lived in the house almost choked him after I told him how he was abusing my daughter.

This guy I'll call him K. He was a true gangster.  He paid his rent to me, regularly.  He was over protective of me and thought I was a good person.  I use to sit up at night drinking and doing my coke, I would sit out on the front steps and just hang out.  Mr. 23 was with the woman who became his wife or one of the many women he was seeing. I got K and another of Mr. 23 friends drunk. I went up to bed and left them out side.  One of the guys kicked my dog.  I loved my Sammy, he was the best pet I ever had.  Well K almost killed the guy over my dog.  Mr. 23 was out or passed out in bed, K and I would sit up at night sniffing and talking. He was a good man, but short tempered.

The artist, who was Mr. 23 friend like his brother, I mentioned him several time earlier.  He's a gangster too, he was creating album covers for some of the known rappers. Again I didn't get any rent money.  The artist liked to smoke PCP, now I've had angel dust, that's mint leaves soaked with PCP, dried then smoked.  The way the Artist smoked it was to dip a cigarette in the liquid and then smoke it.  Mr. 23 and I did this together and it was nice.  It was like we were in a dream and we talked about a future that was going to be wonderful.  We made love and it was nice.  I liked that PCP but knew I was tripping and didn't want to get hooked on that. Mr. 23 got hooked and started smoking it everyday and it bugged him out. He was running around the street talking about buying foreclosed houses and reselling them. He was out in the street doing karate. 

One day he came home and beat me with a paddle until I was black and blue on my ass.  The artist came upstairs and got him to stop.  After he packed up and move out to his now wife.  Before that he was threatening and acting crazy.  I called the police and he was taken to the hospital.  The hospital called and said they were releasing him. I told them he just threatened to kill me and the doctor said he sounds normal now, call him and see.  I called Mr. 23 and when he heard my voice he said, "you called the police on me, when I get out here I'm going to kill you!"  I called the doctor back and the doc said they were going to keep him.  This is when things started to change.

My mate just woke up and just commented about me being on the computer.  She killed my good mood as usual.  I will be telling my story about her soon.