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My family

Embrace Today By: K. Wilhelmina Floria

Tears of happiness shall fall,
listen close for your destination call.

A river of tranquility flows through life.

Ride out the eye of the storm, pass the strife.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

My New year

I'm back!! I'm feeling okay today.  The rash is gone, the blister on my hand popped and it's healing, it no longer hurts.  I'm breathing easier.  I needed to use the oxygen a few times when I was sitting. I had a hard time breathing out there in the snow when I went out to get on the Access-A-Ride and got off. But I did okay yesterday when I got home. I came in ate, unpacked took a shower and got in the bed around 5 pm.  I got up a few times to use the bathroom, take my evening meds but all and all I slept and slept and slept until this morning. I got out the bed at 7:50am, I got up because I needed to take my medication.

I had an interesting time with my online support group, there was an argument. Can you imagine?  I'm not going to get into it, only to say I am disappointed in myself for feeding into the bull shit. I don't know how active I will be on the site after this.  I joined the lupus, COPD and PH groups. The lupus group was the most welcoming. Now I have to just watch and see how it is from now on.

I went to my daughters', I was there from Wednesday until Saturday afternoon. It was peaceful but I was sad.  Sad that my daughters don't share my family values, traditions or togetherness what ever it is, I don't know.  My daughter didn't get a Christmas tree, she told me this but still the kids didn't show any evidence of Christmas at all.  No candy canes, Christmas drawings.  They got video games so there weren't any new toys around the place.  They thanked me for the gifts I gave them, with money I spent that today leaves my bank account with a negative balance.  I did what I could yet they tell me they wanted something else.  I know they don't know better but it still hurt a bit.

My youngest daughters' son was with his father.  I asked why she didn't tell me to bring him when I came on Wednesday.  She says he would mess up her weekend, then tried to clean it up by saying he needed to spend time with his daddy.

On New Years Eve, my daughter brought us McDonald's for dinner.  She got out the bed around 12pm.  I asked if we were going to have rice and peas and vegetables and some meat.  She said it's a waste of money.  I got even sadder. When we were kids and when my kids were kids we always blew up balloons, we had hats, noise makers and there was a dinner cooking.  When I was a kid my grandmother would have stinking chitterlings cooking, pig feet, spareribs, greens, potato salad and rice and peas. There were drinks and champagne for the new year.  We would pop the balloons, toast the year and give everyone a hug and kiss.  When my kids were little we did the same thing only we didn't have pork, we had beef ribs or steak, no pork.

My daughter brought little horns, and sparkling apple cider.  It was just me and my two grandchildren, my daughters left and my other grandson wasn't there.  I tried to make it feel like a big thing for my babies but it was sad to me.

I don't make resolutions, I'm still not putting demands on myself but I plan to work on my novels and finish them. I'm going to try and work at them like a job. I don't have any appointment until the end of the month so I will have time to write a lot. I'm praying that I can be discipline.

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Embrace today.