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Embrace Today By: K. Wilhelmina Floria

Tears of happiness shall fall,
listen close for your destination call.

A river of tranquility flows through life.

Ride out the eye of the storm, pass the strife.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Sunshine on a wonderful chilly day

It's been five days since I wrote my blog.  The problem is the desktop has a virus and the tech doctor sent me a external hard drive so I can back up my files.  Stupid me, I had to get a new hard drive about six months ago and kept putting off getting that external hard drive as suggested.  Well I robed peter again and the hard drive arrived last night and when I returned, this afternoon I called those wonderful, fucking ITT techs at Dell.  Oh I hate calling them. The guy who was working with me Sunday was good, he knew his stuff. He didn't have to read instruction to figure out how to help me.  So anxious to get the Desktop working I called to get someone to help me back up my files today. It has to be done while the computer is in safe mode and then they are suppose to help me evacuate the virus.  Well the idiot that answered today couldn't help me get the desktop on-line and suggest I wait for tomorrow when the guy that was helping me calls. He says if he helps me it will be a long time. I tell him if he helps me I will be on the desktop tonight.  Idiot! He just didn't know what to do and didn't want to help me. If I'm not too tired after I work on my blog, I may call again.

How did I get a virus you ask?  My mates niece had threatened to send me a virus, when I wanted to take her picture and she didn't want her picture taken.  I'm going to kill her. No she didn't send me a virus.  That would be cutting off her own head to spite her shoulders.  Trying to solicit my blog I went to my space, I having been on there in a looooong time.  I was on the home page and noticed a blog tab.  I clicked on and I had something written there, as I tried to open it a virus zapped on my screen. I started to run my anti-malware but was inpatient and turned it off, thinking everything was fine. Well here we are today, the desktop is on bed rest and my fat fingers are typing on this little key board.

As usual, I have my good days and bad days.  Headaches are still around. But now, I have constant lower back pain. I had sciatica years ago when I was with Mr. 23, when I was still working for the home care agency where I was an administrator.  I went to a chiropractors and he got my back straight.  I need to find his number but fist there other issues I will enlighten you as I continue updating my blog. I sleep on a temper pedic and it has helped my back tremendously.  But lately, my back is screaming in pain.  Nobody will give me pain killers or sleeping pills. I take Aleve, Tylenol, Motrin 400 and of course my wonderful Lorazapam which I'm running short of. I'm not going to see a shrink, to get some either.  The shrinks are no help. I'm better off spilling my heart out on this blog.  I get the same results. I have my on-line support group, Daily Strengthen, those guys are the best.  Talk about empathy, we all are dealing with health issues and understand what we each are dealing with.  Anyone reading this that feels alone come on over and feel the love in cyberspace. You got questions you get answers most of the time.  Some knowledgeable folks are there. Anyway my next step is Tylenol pm I hear they work well.

Sunday I did go to the movies with my girlfriend and her mother.  We saw For Colored Girls, it was good. Kimberly Elise is a great actress, she gets my props for the roll she played.  I hope Hollywood recognize and give her some more powerful parts to play. I'm wasn't over blown by the movie, because I saw the play on PBS back in the 70s' and it was powerful. In that version it was only women and they were on one stage. The women told their stories through poem. Maybe it's the poet in me.  Many of Ntozake Shange poems are recited, but they lost the flare.  Now had I not seen the original PBS play I would of loved it.  I guess I was expecting just an updated version.  It's good and Tyler does deserves his praise.

I ordered the book on my Nook, and read it last night and even the revision is  different.  It's been updated 34 years.  Aids wasn't an issue in 1976.  I like change, don't get me wrong, but For Color Girls was an inspiration for me as a writer. I'm not hating.

After the movie we went to Applebes'.  I should of got the soup and salad thing, but hell I had a rib eye with mash potatoes and broccoli.  To top the meal off I had the maple blondie with pecans.  Shhhh! Monday I had a fruit cup and a bagel with butter.  That was at the transfer point from Access-A-Ride to Able ride.  I was going to the doctor I needed something heavier then fruit to take my meds. with. I went to the gift shop and got the paper and resisted the candy.  When I got home I had a salad and a broiled chicken leg, my mate made two I figure one for me and one for her, no she made the two for me and tried to force me to eat it.  I stood my ground and refused! I made some tuna croquettes, that she complained they were too salty. Yea they were and I didn't do it on purpose, the bread crumbs had salt not thinking about that when I added the Lawrys'. I'm not suppose to make those kinds of mistakes, only her and her mother can do that.  I ate a hand full of chips and four of my candies. Tuesday I had cantaloupe juice, shredded wheat and almond breeze milk.  I had salad and the last three tuna croquettes. For dinner I ate a lamb chop and  half a plate of broccoli and carrots. My one hand full of chips and the last six pieces of my candy.  This morning I had cereal.  It was lunch that I screwed up, I went to the deli after seeing the doctor and had a turkey burger with cheddar cheese.  Not too bad, but I didn't need the french fries.  That's it I will resist next month when I go to the cardiologist.  They had these really pretty cupcakes with the swirly white, with a hint of pink frosting on top.  Oh I wanted one, they looked so inviting. In fact they were whispering my name. But I ignored them and left without one.  That was a serious accomplishment for me. Tonight I will have a broiled chicken breast with a salad.  I have some grapes to enjoy while watching Law & Order tonight.  Last week I tipped the scale at 317 this morning it was 314.  Baby steps, yes but I am taking steps.

Monday I saw the rheumotologist, two as a matter of fact.  My doctor and a doctor that is doing lupus research and she's going to follow me.  My Rheumy said the MRI & MRA are negative, just as I knew and as the family practice doctor knew. My blood work came back positive for a gene or something showing that I'm prone to blood clots.  He said this would confirm that I have PH.  I didn't really understand what he was saying but my Daily Strengthen friends told me he is probably talking about ASP (antipholipid syndrome).  I'm exhaling right now, it's never a dull moment with lupus.  He gave me a copy of the blood work to take to the cardiologist and pulmonary doctor.

Another issue I discussed with him was the fact that I use to be 5'7" and am now 5'5', that's 2 inches. Steroids weakens the bones. Lupus patients develop osteoarthritis. My grandmother had osteoarthritis. This is one of the reason my back is hurting.  I know some of the pain is from my weight. In the lower part of my spine I can feel and hear my back shifting around.  I go Friday for a back x-ray.  I see the doc doing the study in four weeks and my doc in six. Right now there is no active lupus, woohoo! Down to 8 mg of steroids.

Today I saw the cardiologist.  He said I don't have PH, but then said I was right I do but it's not sufficient enough to cause the breathing difficulty I'm having.  I gave him the labs from the Rheumy and he said that I possibly have blood clots in my lungs.  He asked what the Rheumy was doing about it and I told him he wants to see what him and the pulmonary doc are going to do.  I see the pulmonary next week. The Cardiologist called the pulmonary doc while I was still in his office so I have 7 days to see what is going on, see if I'm going to get further treatment or find out what other test I need to take.

So now I'm caught up and hopefully I will be back on the desktop tomorrow and will get back to my past life story.  Pray that I get to save my files on the desktop.  I have my updated novel on there, an article I'm writing on lupus, that I hope to publish in a magazine, or zine. I also have a short story I started. And lets not forget my poems,  I have them printed on trees but I like them where I can cut and paste when I need them.  Until then everyone be well. And enjoy these wonderful, dark cold evenings and chilly sunny days.

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Embrace today.