Me Verse Lupus: Me Verse Lupus: When love was innocent, sorta.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Me Verse Lupus: When love was innocent, sorta.

Me Verse Lupus: When love was innocent, sorta.: "It is 2:30 am and I am up and out of bed. Yes I'm tired, but can't sleep. That damn anxiety, I have to go get my medication today, Access-A..."

4 comments:

AnonymousSeptember 22, 2010 at 11:14 AM
I can truly empathize with you having lupus. I myself am a lupus patient, and have been battling this unpredictable, tiring, horrible disease for 15 yrs which is half my life. I've been on 3 different types of lupus medication the most current being Cell Cept which has kept my lupus inactive for 4 yrs. However, I did experience a severe flare which had me near death, literally! So, I know how you feel with the joint pain, loss of appetite, no energy and all those other symptoms. I'll be sure to keep you in my prayers. God Bless!!
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AnonymousSeptember 22, 2010 at 3:59 PM
I have lupus as well -- know exactly how you feel. Every chance I get, I pass out Christine's "Spoon Theory," since that explains it so well.

You go, girl!!! You rock!

Debbie
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AnonymousSeptember 22, 2010 at 5:19 PM
luv u k.w.!!!!!
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SandySeptember 22, 2010 at 5:27 PM
I am so excited that I found your blog. I have been looking for one like yours, people who understand what lupus is. My partner has been very, very good to me but she doesn't understand that I can't always push myself to do things. Just pushing to get to work every night is about all I can do some days. Thank you so much for writing this. Keep going girl. I will check everyday.
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Embrace today.

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So Pretty!

So pretty was she,
Everyone would say so.

So pretty was she,
Fixed upon a petal stool.

Everyone wanted to have her
drunk attention
reckless intoxication
judgment distorted
a lusting to be touched,
clouded vision.

So pretty was she,
Everyone would say so.

So pretty was she,
Fixed upon a petal stool,

Demanding it all,
consequences unnoticed
a gentle breeze,
a whisper through the wind.
No eclipse,
darkened her Sunshine

So pretty was she,
Everyone would say so.

So pretty was she,
Fixed upon a petal stool,

Drops of tears,
pools of sorrow.
Eyes without light,
darkness about,
expectation lost
hope unfound

So pretty was she.

So pretty was she.

So pretty.

An Orphan’s Hope

An orphan,
an outcast,

lost and alone.
Searching to be a part,

Of?????

Hungering,
hungering attention,
affection,
acceptance.

A prolong, solitary quest,
exploring foreign terrain.

Defecting from today’s sadness,
with hope of realizing tomorrow’s happiness.

Polluted dreams,
diluted realities.

Childhood fantasies,
adult terror.

Confined in a vacuum of isolation,
choking on ignored emotions.

An orphan quietly dying,
from an trivial life.

10/5/08

Highway to Success

Highway to Success

On my journey of life,
I took the path to the left,
off the express highway of success.
I trotted along melting tar,
through dusty dirty roads.
Over stony trails.

There were ditches in the darkness,
in some places.
A few times I fell flat on my face,
I’d get up,
wipe the blood from my nose and keep on going.
Blinded by the sun setting in the west,
As I traveled toward the fangs,
leading to the belly of the beast.
I’d trip on stones,
fall on my ass,
rise to my feet,
rub the tenderness and keep marching ahead.

There were signs posted pointing to detours,
I easily ignored.
There were alleys I could sneak down,
but on my course I stayed.
A map was folded in my pocket,
I never checked my directions.

It was an exciting journey of life.
Climbing up hills, rolling down.
Climbing back up and rolling back down.
Seems this last time,
I’ve been going down quite a while now.

Don’t see no detours,
no more alleys to sneak down.
My map was lost a ways back.
Long ago I was on the express highway of success.
I tried hitchhiking on the big rigs of lotto,
The numbers on the license plates just passed me by.

I’ll never get back onto the express highway of success.
I have to follow this path,
forward I go,
straight ahead.
On this bumpy path I choose.

Back when I began this journey of life.
While traveling on that express highway of success,
I woulda’, coulda’, shoulda’
took a right instead of a left.

I didn’t ask for directions.
I didn’t listen when directions were offered.
I ignored the detours.
I passed the alleys.
I lost my map.

I knew where I was going.

Somewhere on this path I lost my dreams,
and found a brick wall.
Now I know, I took a dead end road to failure.

I’m looking for my map.
Hoping to see one of those alleys.
Searching for those detour signs.
And asking for directions
back to the express highway of success.

I Flirted with Lucifer!!!

I Flirted with Lucifer

Blood stain panties,
the scent of lust.

Lucifer winks,
tempting,
future thrills,
treats, and party favors,
from Hades host.

It’s called tobacco,
Suck its sweetness in your lungs,
Exhale it through your nose and mouth.

Ahhhhah!
The tastes of sin against myself.

In Lucifer’s’ face,
I twirled my ass,
seductively smiled.

He treated me to maryjane,
I held her in my lungs,
Until my brain couldn’t breath,
I released her,
euphoria floated in my head.

Lucifer, oh so kind,
These gifts of freedom choice.
I teased for his affection,
longed for his attention.

Wild Irish Rose, Night Train, Brass Monkey.
Liquid candy, sweetly upset the belly.
Left my mind fuzzy,
my mouth releasing defecation.

Oh Lucifer, Lucifer,
what liars they were.
You’re not bad,
you take good care of me.

Tabs of acid,
prescription pills.
freeze my tongue, lips and gums,
cocaine oh yum.

I was so greedy,
I wanted, I needed,
ALL!

Freaky sex,
tobacco,
reefer,
liquid candy,
recreational drugs.

MORE, MORE, MORE!!!!

I didn’t know how to refuse.
I cheated addiction,
I cheated HIV,
I cheated homelessness.

But I couldn’t cheat fate.

Gods’ vengeance prevails
just sucked the air right from my lungs,
presented me with the gift of emphysema,
maybe,
maybe if I partied in moderation,
No, No!!
that’s just stinking thinking.

I batted my bedroom eyes,
and flirted with the devil,
I wasn’t too shy to dance,

I must pay the price,
I crave oxygen,
And sleep, oh blessed sleep.

I partied hard,
I had fun,
now it’s time to pay,
an autoimmune disease is fighting me,

and Lucifer is still tempting me.

While God watches my
freedom of choice.
9/27/08

Glass Lady (what life was living with a crack head)

I can no longer compete,
with your lady in the glass.
She's your greatest love,
she means more to you,
then me or your children.

She's your princess,
your shining star.

You'll stay up all night for her.
You'll spend every penny on her.
I'm jealous, I can't compete.
I can't send blood rushing,
through your veins,
nor can I keep your heart pumping
at such a terrific pace.

No,
I can't keep your attention,
as long as you can hold her sweetness in your lungs.

I am only a woman,
a sad, lonely woman,
with no joy,
no happiness in me.

I can offer you my tears of hurt.
To me you lie, to her you give everything.

Me you abuse,
her you worship.

Your family you allow to struggle,
to her pimp you give more than enough.

You tell me not to worry,
everything's gonna be taken care of.

This I believe,
because in time I'll be able to take care of me,
then your mistress can give you

one

final

HEART ATTACK!!!!!!!!!!

Fate Be Told By: K. Wilhelmina Floria 6/9/09

Weeping sorrows,
full of illusions and dissatisfaction.
Stimulating anxiety,
a designer disorder,
yearning sedation,
requiring rehab.
Seeking amends
for a life
unfixable.
Really too tired to care.
Hiding,
deep in the shadows.
Invisibly trying to be seen.
Now.
Was it fate
that gave me this day?
Or,
was it the life I lived
that became my fate?
Once I tried to steal joy,
sure that happiness would follow.
So said,
that time is gone.
Today,
fires of hell are trying to engulf me.
Blinding my eyes
With oozing tears of strength.
Eliminating the dark flames of hell,
to a path where heaven shines,
and warm my cold heart.

Me Verse Lupus

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Embrace Today By: K. Wilhelmina Floria

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Me Verse Lupus: When love was innocent, sorta.

4 comments: